


Internment

by Rabentochter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Depression, Enemies to Lovers, Escapism, Established Relationship, Feels, Forced Separation, Friday is a Good AI, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Tony Stark, Loki (Marvel) is a Good Boyfriend, Loki (Marvel) is a good enemy lover, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric, references to Ross
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:41:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26158216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rabentochter/pseuds/Rabentochter
Summary: Tony knew that inviting Loki to his bed would have consequences, but he didn't expect to be found out so shortly after the Avengers broke up. After that, everything becomes a bit— much.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 29
Kudos: 235





	Internment

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to **NamelesslyNightlock** for helping out with the summary, honestly, what would I do without you. ❤️
> 
> (Cry over my coffee, that is if you want to know, and salt it because everyone can sweeten it)

The worst thing about life was, that happiness always fell too short, while negativity tended to last lifetimes. The worst thing was, that it was difficult to crawl up the hole one dug and was thrown in, because the ascend would always take longer than the fall had. There was no path, no clear way, only confusing signs, and broken bridges, falling half apart, no way to cross the gap unless you suddenly sprouted wings from your back.

Tony stared at the Iron Man suits in front of him; every battle, another memory in his head, another scar that he won’t get rid of. He felt tired. He knew that when he walked back up, his cold living room was the only one that would await him. His phone would ring and blink with unanswered messages, an angry yell that had been left on his mailbox because he couldn’t answer, and people were _impatient._

_Tony didn’t want to._

He knew there were people worried about him – why, he could not say. It wasn’t as if this was something he didn’t deserve, that he hadn’t stepped into this trap knowingly. But how could he stay clear of temptation when the promise was nothing short of sweet oblivion? A short break that distracted him from other problems that kept piling up on his plate, growing higher and the longer they stayed, the more difficult it became to start the task.

He was exhausted. Being in his workshop had long since stopped being fun; it did not matter how loud the music was, if it was his favourite song playing. Everything felt… dull. The flare of excitement that Tony used to bring with him, it was extinguished, worn down by running, running, running, doing things, more stress, more pressure, more tasks, and people wanting him to _respond_.

He would, at one point. He would, if they’d let him catch a break, just a moment, just—

The _Civil War_ had only been two months ago, and it felt as if it had been another century. _The Avengers are yours, Tony, they always have been._ And yet, the Tower was void of any Avenger except for him and Rhodey. What did that mean? Had the Avengers only ever been _them_? Vision was—

Vision, he supposed. Thinking hurt. Thinking allowed his mind to turn ghastly, twist events and break him a fraction more.

His eyes fell on the bracelet around his wrist.

Pepper had said he was lucky to have only been grounded. That in an emergency case, the UN would call him and have him do _things_ ; that he wasn’t _useless_ , entirely. That the world did not want to see him in jail despite his… _crime_ , he thinks they called it.

Of course, it was a crime to get into the bed of a searched and wanted villain who tried to conquer the world, once. Years ago.

But how was it a crime if this was what had made Tony feel _something_? The sharp nails scratching his back open, his neck and thighs littered with bites that would not fade for days. His mind, _good_ and friendly towards him?

How could it be a crime to sleep with Loki if it was what kept him sane?

He was a risk-seeker, he knew that. He’d drunken alcohol to the point where he almost died but did a lot of reckless things, drove his cars highways one wasn’t supposed to drive with high speed but the feeling of the wind hitting the car, hitting his face with all its might as he took one curve after the next, chasing the thrill and the adventure? The times he’d dropped with his suit, dropped, and kept dropped even after JARVIS had told him to activate the emergency protocol but Tony knew the maths, knew for how long he could _fall_ —

He’d miscalculated this fall.

He’d miscalculated Ross’ deviousness. They’d been—

Tony still was not sure how Ross had discovered Loki. Perhaps a mere coincidence, a look at Tony’s life at the right time and boom, there he had him. A crime, _finally,_ one crime he truly could punish Tony for.

_Comprising with the enemy who wished to subjugate all of us by force._

Tony hadn’t forgiven Loki yet for invading New York, for killing all those people. It was not his place to forgive, but he could choose not to dwell on it. He wasn’t a better person than Loki was, he did not feel like judging anymore. There was so much bitterness inside of him; he did no longer feel like the person he used to be. It was as if someone had flipped the switch and everything good had turned sour, leaving him hungry and _sad_.

He didn’t want things to end as much as he wanted them to end. It was not an ‘ _I crave the ending’_ more of a, ‘ _when is there going to be a change for the better’_ situation. Loki had been his _better_. His own salvation, it had been him who’d made him feel interested enough to start fixing things again, for a while before he fell back again into his own hole.

They’d surprised them in the early morning hours, both still more asleep than awake. FRIDAY had warned them despite having been compromised, it had been enough time that Loki could get away—

They hadn’t known that Ross _knew-knew._ Only that there were agents on their way here because they had gotten readings.

_If they had known, Loki would have taken me with him._

Or so Tony hoped.

He was aware of the constant surveillance he was under, the extra cameras that followed his every step, the eyes of others on him. Pepper had told him to leave it. Not to remove them, because it would worsen the situation. Because if he had nothing to hide? Then he wouldn’t need to remove the cameras, would he? Ross knew though. He knew, there was a photo of him and Loki together on their balcony, sharing a drink and a smile together.

Tony hated that one of his fondest memories of their time together was now tarnished by having been found out at that moment.

_House arrest or I’ll make sure that you won’t ever see the light of the day again, Stark._

He still heard Ross’ delighted purr in his voice as he had Tony in cuffs in front of him. The photo on the desk, clear and visible.

_Plead for mind control,_ Pepper had said.

_The mind stone had done the control, Peps,_ Tony had replied. _Not Loki himself._

_Do they know though?_

_No._ But Tony didn’t wish to lengthen the list of crimes his lover had committed. There were enough already and he would _never_ betray someone close to him. He wasn’t in love with Loki. He enjoyed his company, the relief he brought, the distraction and shoulder he offered when too much became too much. His righteous fury at the Avengers on Tony’s behalf.

He wasn’t in love, he simply _loved_ Loki. They hadn’t ever exchanged any words like this though. Never the time, never enough courage, never the need to. Often, actions did speak louder than words and while Loki never said he loved him, he had been here for him.

Wearing a bracelet that monitored each of Tony’s steps was difficult but if it meant that one day, the accusations could not be hold true anymore, and Loki was safe? It would be all right. One day, maybe, they’d be together again.

And the Rogues were out there, doing what they wanted. They might be fugitives from the law but they weren’t easy to get hold of, and they were with the people they trusted.

Despite Tony having _won_ , it felt more as if he’d lost. Twice, thrice.

He sighed.

He felt dramatic, a dramatic man, in an overly flashy house, where he still could do a lot of things he usually loved to do. But nothing– did, anymore. Shallow. Everything felt shallow and flat, excitement was a brush of the past that only brought more tears to his eyes. He didn’t understand how it had happened. It had been fine, everything, before. Not perfect per se because nothing had been perfect for a while but it still had been doable.

He realised he was crying again. Warm tears were running down his cheeks and Tony felt so disgusted and exhausted at that. He was crying, what felt like the entire day, every week. How had he not yet run dry?

He longed for sleep, something as simple as sleep that he couldn’t enjoy anymore either because his dreams had turned into nightmares, and he was falling, and he kept falling.

There was nothing as simple as being _awake_ anymore. It felt like waking up was getting up to another level of pain, only ever _more, more, more, more—_

Tony wanted to sleep, to forget. He wanted to remember Loki’s hands on his, the rage in his words, the smirk on his face, the single strand falling into his face. A soft moment, one that meant nothing to someone else but that reminded Tony of so much good in his world.

He wanted to get away from here.

Leave the shackles that everyone put on him.

Leave them all and never look back, be free of his responsibilities and tasks.

He wanted—

To be someone else entirely. Someone, who could be Tony Stark, someone who was not Tony Stark.

He scratched the bracelet; his nails didn’t leave a single trace on it.

_“You have two minutes,”_ FRIDAY said, somewhere, her voice soft.

Tony frowned, turned around.

Loki looked at him.

“Okay, are you even the fuck real, or are you—“

“We have less than two minutes left,” Loki interrupted him, his eyes on Tony. “Then I will leave, and your AI will continue the surveillance.” He threw Tony a glance he couldn’t understand. “You have a few friends left here, Anthony.”

“Do I?”

“But the question is, do you wish to remain here or would you follow me, to some place where there are no shackles?”

“I—”

“Anthony.”

_“One Minute.”_

“You promise that this is real?” Tony asked. “No _joke,_ not just another dream?”

“As real as I could be,” Loki replied carefully. He held out a hand and Tony took it; his skin marvellously cool and cold against his. “We’re running out of time.”

Tony didn’t say anything. Just squeezed Loki’s hand. Hoped, he would understand without any words too.

“ _Time is up,”_ FRIDAY declared to an empty room. _“Surveillance continues.”_


End file.
